I was recently motivated to share this photo. I am at my most bare, most powerful, most wild. Although I planned for a calm birth with a focus on relaxation, I was shocked at how I literally had to come undone. To do the things I never thought I would, screaming, wailing, shaking, to allow birth to move through me. We can learn all the birthing techniques but if that’s not what’s really required in the moment, we have to accept losing control as the key to getting the baby out naturally.

My wish for the birth of my second child was to experience physiological birth, what I believed would be safest for me and my baby, but also because I didn’t get that experience with my first child. I sensed the best place to support this would be at home, and I found a beautiful midwife that I connected with on many levels.

The story of my first child’s birth and my birth as a mother cannot be separated from the death of my own mother. She died on my due date, the 26th of December 2014. Of course it was tragic but fortunately it was a gradual process, and I was prepared for this event over many months. The date of my mum’s passing gave me comfort. I couldn’t argue with the synchronicity and felt surrendered to the plan of a force greater than myself. I had incredible support around me and allowed the grief to flow. Unable to commit to travelling for the funeral. I wrote a beautiful obituary for my brother to read out, and that gave me a sense of closure.